


wasn't raised to shoot for fame

by ehemfitz



Series: harbors of our own [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Drift Effects, Gen, Ghost Drifting, Grief/Mourning, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 00:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/919975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehemfitz/pseuds/ehemfitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-movie, Mako and Raleigh start to navigate their future while dealing with the events of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	wasn't raised to shoot for fame

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work in a series. Originally it was going to be one long fic, then two shorter fics, and now it's going to be a series which has the alternate title of "mako and raleigh spend their lives together as platonic mind-melded life partners (in sweaters)." Based loosely on [this](http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/350.html?thread=23902#t23902) kinkmeme prompt which finally gave me the motivation to write about this concept.
> 
> Title adapted from Cold War Kids' Miracle Mile.

It begins at the end. The top of a floating escape pod in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, on a sunny day when the world didn't end. They press their foreheads together because it's all they know how to do at that moment, to press their thoughts as close as possible. To feel Raleigh's joyous whisper of relief, to feel Mako's slight comfort in knowing her sensei's sacrifice was justified.

The helicopters arrive and lift them away from the scene of their victory, medics crowding them immediately and asking after any injuries. Raleigh realizes only then, after the adrenaline is fading and the relief is less immediate, that his good arm and his right leg are in a lot of pain. _Gipsy,_ Mako's voice whispers, her eyes widening at the same moment the pain hits him, remembering exactly where the Jaeger had been damaged during the fight and what that meant for Raleigh. Mako tells the medics, who manage to remove Raleigh's drivesuit and start treating the electrical burns. _At least both my arms will match_ , he thinks, and Mako gives a small smile from where she's watching. Raleigh reaches out with his left arm and takes her hand.

When they get back to base, Raleigh's arm and leg are already wrapped in gauze, but the medics insist he be sent to the infirmary. Raleigh wants to argue, but one look from Mako has him shushing right up and he reluctantly agrees. The doctor comes in when Raleigh's settled on the medical cot and examines the limbs. 

"Mr. Becket, your arm looks like it'll heal just like the left one. You might have some diminished strength and occasional stiffness, but no permanent damage," the doctor says after a few minutes of close inspection.

"And the leg?" Raleigh asks. Mako sits on the other side of the bed from the doctor, listening closely and possibly even more worried than Raleigh, though her face doesn't betray a thing.

"Unfortunately, it does look like some of the burns from the circuitry suit caused minor nerve damage, and a few of the tendons in your heel and ankle area also suffered a bit. We'll have to see how those heal up, but you will most likely be fine. Perhaps some occasional pain, possibly limited mobility in the ankle, but nothing too serious."

Raleigh nods and thanks her, listening as she explains he'd need to come back for a dressings change and would be sent home with painkillers, but is otherwise free to go. A nurse comes in, pushing a wheelchair in front of her.

"I don't need that."

"If they say you do, you do," Mako says in reply to his protests.

Raleigh looks to the nurse. "You do," she says dryly.

He sighs before lowering himself into the chair. Mako volunteers to push him back to save the nurse a trip, which she agrees to without argument. By the time they reach Raleigh's room, Mako's exhausted, but she lets him lean on her as she helps him onto his bed, then goes back out to fold down the chair and carries it in after them. She sits down next to him on the bed. They don't say anything, and in the silence of the room, it seems to finally hit them.

"Now what?" she says.

Raleigh sighs, reaching across his chest to rub at his bandage before putting his arm around Mako's shoulders. Their war was over. The Breach was closed. The life Mako had trained for, the life Raleigh had come back to the Shatterdome expecting to die for, was no longer there. It was all over. "I don't know. I guess we'll figure it out. Reconstruction is next, I guess. Maybe you can stay on at the PPDC helping, I'm sure they'll be doing something and you're qualified for anything they'd throw at you."

"What about you?" Mako looks at him, really looks, realizing she hasn't done that through her own eyes since she got to know him beyond a first impression. He looks tired. Not just from the battle, but like life is weighing him down. She realizes it probably was.

Raleigh manages to quirk a smile. "Probably the same thing as I was before. Everybody will be rebuilding, construction jobs won't be hard to find along the coasts."

Mako makes a noise of assent before falling silent again. Raleigh's leg starts to hurt so he pulls himself up on the bed fully, lying back against the wall. Mako looks at him, then follows, the two them laying on their sides, looking at each other. 

"Kare ga inakute sabishii desu," Mako whispers.

"Wakatteru yo."

"It will be worse tomorrow, won't it? When I wake up and realize today was real?"

There is no reason to lie for comfort. "Hai," Raleigh says quietly. Mako already knows because Raleigh has already been here before. She has too, but she was a child then. It's different now, both as a grown woman and because of the circumstances. She knows rationally that Pentecost's death was the reason they were successful, but she also knows that doesn't make the aftermath easier.

They fall asleep like that, facing each other.

***

When Mako wakes up, Raleigh is wrapped around her, and she is pressed close to him. She finds she doesn't mind. It's comforting, and warm, and somehow he smells familiar already. Slowly, it comes back to her, the events of the past 24 hours. Raleigh must have noticed her waking up because when she looks at him, he's already looking back. He tightens his arms around her slightly, and she presses her face into his chest.

***

A few days later, after some recuperation and rest, Raleigh is awake in his own room. Mako had stayed in his room for the first two days, both of them needing each other after the events of the Breach, but Mako had gone back to her own room the night before. She said she needed a shower and to do laundry, but Raleigh knew they also just needed some time apart. The Drift hangover was fading, and while they still felt the need to be close, they both had their own ghosts that needed sorting.

Raleigh finishes getting dressed just in time for a loud knock to sound from the door. Raleigh limps to the door and opens it up as he pulls on his sweater, revealing Tendo Choi on the other side.

"Good, you're already up. We need you up in LOCCENT right away," he says, already starting to walk away.

"Why, what's going on?"

"The swarm of reporters has arrived outside." Tendo rolls his eyes before turning away and speeding away.

Raleigh looks across the hall to see Mako at her door, clearly having been given the same message as Tendo. "I should've figured they'd start coming already," he says to her.

"We are the only copilots left now. We were the lame ducks of the Jaeger Program, and now they think we are the heroes," Mako says. Raleigh to hears the implied thought- Stacker and Chuck were the only heroes at the Breach yesterday. _  
_

"Yeah," he says. She gives him a grim smile before following Tendo's path down the hall.

In the LOCCENT, Tendo, Marshall Hansen, and several other crew members are standing around looking at security feeds being broadcast on the screens in the back of the command center. The feeds show a significant crowd of what seem to be reporters, including camera crews, and a group of civilians, who were probably just trying to get a glimpse of the excitement. 

"Rangers," Hansen greets them as they walk in. "I know it's still too soon, but we need to figure out how to handle the press situation."

"What are our options?" Raleigh asks.

"At this point, we don't have many, considering they're all but breaking down our door," Tendo says. "We can either agree to talk to them, or let them wait around. If we agree, we'll have to schedule a few days of press interviews for the two of you."

Raleigh looks at Mako, who hasn't looked away from the screens since they got there. She looks small and a bit lost, such a drastic change from the determined woman he'd gotten to know since arriving in Hong Kong, but Raleigh won't do her the disservice of underestimating her strength, even now. "Mako?"

"We will talk to them," she says, turning around. Raleigh knows that she's thinking, _t_ _he sooner we do, the sooner we will be left alone again._ She's right, as always.

Tendo nods. "I'll send someone out to set up interview times starting tomorrow," he says, typing something out on a tablet in his hand.

"What will happen to the Shatterdome now?" Mako asks, turning to Herc. "Is the Jaeger Program still being decommissioned?"

Marshall Hansen shakes his head. "Thanks to a capitalizing decision from the PPDC, the Jaeger Program has been recommissioned. Supposedly it's to assist with reconstruction efforts, but of course it's pretty damn convenient that once the program saved the day and started getting all the glory, they're suddenly behind it."

"Will you be staying here, Marshall?"

"I'll be honest with you, Mako, I don't think I have any other place to go. Me and Max will probably be here till they kick us out."

Mako nods. Hansen looks at her a moment before speaking again. "You know, Ranger Mori, we're going to need a lot of help with Jaeger design and construction soon, and you're probably the most qualified since you've been both engineer and pilot. Would you be interested?" 

Mako looks noticeably surprised, though Raleigh can't imagine why. She's easily one of the most knowledgeable and reliable people in the program when it comes to the intricacies of Jaeger operations, obviously they would want her to stay on. Her gaze shifts to him and away quickly, her cheeks flushing slightly, and he can tell she caught his train of thought. He shrugs to himself. It's true, after all. 

"Can I think about it, Marshall?" Mako says. "I need some time to figure out what to do."

Hansen nods. "Of course, Ranger. I have to deal with inventory in the Dome, so if you need me-" With that, Hansen leaves, Max trotting after him. Raleigh and Mako hadn't even noticed the bulldog was in the LOCCENT.

Raleigh walks over to Tendo slowly, minding his still stiff leg, and asks quietly, "How's he doing?" 

"You'd know better than me, man." Tendo sighs. "He's doing his job. He's quiet, but he's doing everything he needs to. I don't know what he'd do without that dog, though." Raleigh nods as Tendo continues, "They're putting together a memorial in the Shatterdome later this week for everyone we lost. He said he didn't want to be involved with the planning or anything. I guess it's just too hard."

Raleigh looks over at Mako. "Yeah," he says. "I guess it is."

***

The next morning the interviews start, with Raleigh and Mako sitting next to each other, braving the bright lights of camera crews and the same questions from every reporter.

"Was it hard getting into that Jaeger knowing you might not come back?"

"Not any harder than it usually is. Being a pilot is a dangerous job."

"Raleigh, was it hard coming back to pilot without your brother?"

"It was until I found the right co-pilot."

"Where have you been for five years?"

"Working in construction."

"Mako, how much did your decision to be a pilot have to do with the loss of your family in Tokyo to Onibaba?"

"All of my actions have been to honor and avenge my family."

"What is the Drift like?"

"Impossible to describe."

"Any romance between you because of it?"

At that, they laugh a bit. It seems like such a simple concept. How can you possibly explain the familiarity, the total surrender of yourself that comes with drifting? "It's a lot more complicated than that, but no."

It goes on like this for hours, until they ask for a break, and then it continues even longer. By the time they're done, both Raleigh and Mako are exhausted.

"I'd forgotten it was like this," Raleigh says, rubbing his shoulder and smiling almost apologetically at Mako.

"Thanks to you, I had not," she says, smirking a little.

"You should've reminded me." He bumps his shoulder with hers.

"It's still very strange, though. Even after Tokyo, when the press interviewed me, it was not like this."

"I guess it's like you said yesterday. We're the last co-pilots left."

Mako is quiet for a moment. "They haven't asked me about Marshall Pentecost."

Raleigh doesn't need for her to say it to know; she's glad she can keep at least one thing to herself.

***

The next afternoon, Raleigh finds himself wandering into the Kwoon looking for Mako, knowing from her memories that she sometimes practices solo as a stress reliever. Sure enough, she's practicing moves on the mat, covered with sweat but showing no signs of slowing down. "Care for a partner?" he asks, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed.

She stops and looks over, not as surprised to see him as she should be. "Is that fair, in your condition?"

Raleigh smirks. He's been to the infirmary again and was told there's a chance he'd have a permanent limp from the tendon damage in his leg. He doesn't mind, really, considering he didn't even think he'd make it out of the Anteverse at all. "I think I can handle it, if you go a bit soft on me." He walks over, shedding his sweater and unlacing his boots before stepping onto the mat.

They spar hand to hand for a while, casually, as easily matched as ever. After ten minutes, Raleigh manages to pin her, her arm behind her back and the side of her face pressed to the mat, a looser and easier version of the same move he'd used to take down Chuck less than a week ago. He counts it out, then lets her go, but she doesn't pop right up like she has before. "Mako?" he asks tentatively. There's no answer, but he can tell she's not physically hurt. He sits down heavily next to her, not saying anything, not touching her, before he realizes her shoulders are shaking slightly. "Mako," he whispers. It's several moments before she sits up, steeling herself and quickly wiping her eyes.

He feels a sense of stubbornness and embarrassment coming from her before she says, "I'm fine."

"It's okay if you're not." She gives him an exasperated look. "It really is."

She sighs. "That is not the problem." Raleigh gives her an encouraging look and she reluctantly continues. "He dedicated so much to me and my training and I cannot even make him proud in the Kwoon anymore. I have been sloppy all day."

"Mako, less than a week ago we were in an alien dimension after battling multiple Kaiju. I think he would understand if you weren't at your best today." Mako doesn't answer, so Raleigh leans over to put his good arm around her, sweaty bodies be damned.  _  
_

She hesitates, then rests her head on his shoulder. "I miss him. I don't know what to do now that he is gone and the Breach is closed. It feels strange to stay here now, but I wouldn't know where to go." She sighs before continuing. "I feel like I should stay and help, but I have no mission anymore. It is... empty, to have nothing to work towards."

Raleigh knows her entire life has been based around training to become a pilot and to avenge her family. Without that, it's easy to get lost in the grief and struggle to move forward. Raleigh knows better than anyone. "You have more choices now, at least. You can keep working for what you've spent your life doing or you can start over somewhere else."

"Is that what you did?"

"No," Raleigh says, sighing. "I just did the only thing I could that got my mind off what happened. You saw from the Drift how that worked out."

Mako nods, considering. After a few moments, she seems a bit brighter. "At least next time maybe I will beat you again when we spar."

"Maybe next time I'll just let you win like I did the first time," he says with a smile.

Mako rolls her eyes and smiles. "If you say so," she says as Raleigh laughs, his eyes crinkling with it. He stands, pulling her up with him.

"You'll figure it out, Mako."

She nods once, a quick acknowledgment. "Yes. And you will, too."

Until later, when he thinks back, Raleigh hadn't really considered he had a choice until she said that. He assumed that he'd do what he was doing before, work somewhere, building something for the reconstruction effort, following the job wherever it went. But he'd be alone again, and as easy as that was the first time, Raleigh isn't sure now that he could do it again.

***

He dreams of her that night. Or rather, they somehow share the same dream from different rooms. He doesn't realize that's the case until he's at the top of the wall, looking out over the scaffolding. He looks to his left, and there she is. Strapped into a harness like he is, looking right at him. _Mako?_

She nods. _It's me._ She looks out over the wall.  _So this is where you worked._

 _Yeah._  He follows her line of sight, looking out again. _The height was the best part. You could see for miles, almost like being-_

 _-in a Jaeger,_ she finishes.

He laughs. _Yeah. Obviously not the same, but it was the closest I could get._

_Was it hard?_

Raleigh knows what she means without asking, the trick of sharing headspace.  _Yes. I didn't think so, at the time, but looking back, it was. Being alone for that long, even though I know I needed time to come to terms with what happened to Yancy, it was hard._

_I will miss you, if you go again._

_I know._

_You will miss me, too._ It's not a question.

_I know._

_***_

The next night, Mako is dreaming of her father, the swordmaker. She is young, and they are playing with wooden swords, exact replicas of the real kind he makes for a living.

She manages to land a strike, and he chuckles. "Look at you! A real swordsman already. You will learn how to craft them one day, and carry on the family legacy," he says, proud and glowing at his daughter's skill.

"But Oji-san says I can't, because I'm a girl."

Her father shakes his head. "You are my daughter, and you are as skillful as any boy would be. I will deal with chichi when the time comes."

Young Mako nods, as older Mako watches from the side. Raleigh is standing next to her. He had known this memory from the Drift, but being here with her right now seems much more real.

 _He never told his parents his wish, or if he did, they did not honor it,_  Mako tells him. _After my parents died, they told me I could never continue the Mori tradition. Sensei adopted me around that time, so I did not have to suffer the humiliation along with grief._

_I'm sorry._

_It was a long time ago._

He waits a beat, then tells her, You _know, Gipsy's sword was pretty fantastic. I think your dad would've liked it._

Mako smiles.  _Yes. I think he would have._

***

Two days later, after two more nights of shared dreams, the memorial is hosted in the Shatterdome. Each Jaeger dock has become a place of remembrance for their pilots. Pentecost's is placed by the main launch doors, a symbol of the fact he gave the orders to launch every Jaeger, a testament to his leadership.

Marshall Hansen gives a brief speech for each pilot, as the standing Marshall. His words for his son are understated but effective, about Chuck's lifelong dedication to the program, and there's hardly a dry eye in the room. Mako is invited to speak about Pentecost. She speaks mainly of his professional accomplishments, but most everyone in the room already knows what he meant to her. Her final words are, "Osewa ni narimashita."

The rest of the day is spent open to anyone who wishes to speak, and stories are shared about everyone. From the Kaidonovsky's love for blasting Ukranian hard house throughout the dome, to the time the Wei brothers kept switching places with each other while the PPDC officials were visiting the base. People are smiling and laughing more than crying, and it is a fitting tribute to all their sacrifices. 

Raleigh heads back to his room as everything is winding down, as he distantly realizes that most of the memories he has of the people being honored don't come from his own mind. He didn't have that with Yancy, whose life matched up so closely to his own that their memories were already nearly the same. It's a surreal feeling, but he finds he doesn't mind it. He unlocks his door and closes it behind him, then sits on the bed to take off his boots. His leg is still healing and occasionally hurts, especially after a long day of mostly standing. He pulls off his clothes and dresses in his sweats, then gets into bed for the night.

Just as he's gotten comfortable, there's a knock on the door. Raleigh knows who it is. He thinks,  _It's open,_ and the door opens to reveal Mako. She comes in and shuts the door behind her. He scoots back and lays on his side to make room for her, and she crawls in under the blankets.

"What did you think?" he says quietly.

"It was good. It was what everyone needed."

"I never knew the Kaidonovskys ran a poker ring on base," Raleigh says.

Mako smiles and says, "And they were always the wealthiest two on base after a hand, so soon most of us learned to stay far away." Raleigh laughs.

They're quiet for a while, until Mako speaks again. If Raleigh hadn't been inside her head before, he never would have understood her. "The dreams..." He nods, and she continues. "Are they normal?'

"I don't know. Yancy and I never had them. We shared stuff right after a Drift, of course, but it's been over a week since we last Drifted and they only started a few nights ago."

"I don't remember anything about this in the readings for Drift training. They said a Drift hangover would fade and that would be it."

Raleigh hesitates, but Mako catches it and encourages him to go on. "There's another possibility. After Alaska, I had a lot of neural damage from piloting alone. It never stopped you and I from Drifting, obviously, but after the Breach..."

"You piloted alone again," Mako says, realization dawning.

Raleigh nods. "I can't help be wonder if my mind is trying to replicate the Drift after all the damage. It's not like there are any studies on this type of thing, and the only other person who might've known can't tell us."

"So you think it will continue?"

"I don't know. I guess I wouldn't be surprised." Mako nods, absorbing this. "I'm sorry," he says.

"For?"

"I know this isn't what you signed on for when you wanted to be a pilot. Me and Yancy's memories messing up our Drift is one thing, but now you have to deal with me in your dreams all the time."

Mako shakes her head. "Raleigh, we are Drift compatible. _Copilots_. I knew what that meant. I trust you, and because of that, it is okay if your head is in my head, even in dreams. I know what I agreed to."

Raleigh smiles and shakes his head, still surprised by her, though Mako thinks he shouldn't be. He leans over and kisses Mako's forehead, and she wraps her arms around him. They fall asleep, tangled together, and dream as one.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Japanese Translations (all from the Internet so I take full credit if they're wrong- they probably are):  
> -Kare ga inakute sabishii desu: I miss him  
> -Wakatteru yo: I know  
> -Hai: Yes  
> -Oji-San: Grandfather  
> -Chichi: to refer to your own father  
> -Osewa ni narimashita: thank you for all you have done for me/you have really taken care of me
> 
> Some of the anecdotes and dreams are from the novelization, like the Ukranian hard house and Mako's trouble with her family's swordmaking tradition, but the rest are made up. 
> 
> All the neural damage/Drift stuff is a connection I made up. Travis Beacham, the screenwriter, did say on his tumblr that Raleigh suffered significant neural damage from solo piloting, both in Alaska and at the Breach, but there isn't anything to suggest that would change post-Drift behavior. I made it do that.
> 
> Also any medical timeline stuff at the beginning of the fic is super hand-wavy, so I apologize if you're knowledgeable in medicine and it threw you off. It was important to me that his injury be discussed, but I didn't want to spend half the fic on it since it wasn't a key theme.


End file.
